i’m calling bullshit on the idea of destiny

yasmin stefanie calvin klein bralet my calvins white shirt denim rip cutoff shorts

Blair Waldorf once said ‘destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen’ and I’ve never agreed with anything more. Destiny? I’m calling bullshit.

Today I was doing my usual routine – trawling through the likes of Man Repeller, Coveteur and Refinery 29 as I do every day (I could spend hours on those three if I wanted to, it’s an issue, I’m obsessed), when I got some on-the-spot hashtag inspo that spurred on this post. What was that hashtag inspo? Horoscopes. I’m not some gal who sits here and analyses my star sign in comparison to the signs of those around me to see if we are actually a ~good match~ or the ~same kind of people~ or who actually believes that what they say will come true, but ofc I have fun having a lil read of my horoscope when I flick past that page in a magazine or scroll past the monthly horoscopes on the aforementioned websites. The thing is, horoscopes are just that – fun to have a lil read of. They aren’t a determiner of anything. But it got me thinking about how we as people can, and sometimes do, use the dumbest shit as excuses or reasons for why things are a certain way in our lives.

If we’re in a particularly difficult situation we will just look for an excuse to not confront that problem head on. If your horoscope gives you some trope about a tough time that, on the 26th of this month will be naturally resolved by the moon moving into some specific place, you can easily take that as your reason not to bother and wait for everything to sort itself out on the 26th. Newsflash: it won’t. It’s not just about horoscopes either, it can be anything. You might be trying to get a promotion at work and, despite all your efforts, it’s just not happening. If someone in the office tells you that nobody in your position has ever been promoted you might just stop trying because you think that’s just the way things are, if nobody got promoted before you then you won’t either. Or you might think that if it’s meant to be, it’ll be, and you’ll stop trying and just wait it out to see if it really is ~meant to be~.

yasmin stefanie calvin klein bralet my calvins white shirt denim rip cutoff shorts

shirt – old topshop [similar] // bralet – calvin klein via UO // shorts – topshop // sunglasses – old quay australia [similar] // necklace – topshop 

Now let’s clear something up, I am the biggest believer in the ‘everything happens for a reason’ life motto, to the point where I wrote a blog post all about it – in which I also included this Blair quote – but I always make a point to not use it as an excuse to not go and make things happen.

The idea of destiny is exactly what Blair (ok, or the GG writers) said – an excuse to wait for something to happen instead of making it happen. My favourite little piece of advice to hand out to my friends at the moment, and to follow myself, has been to swallow your pride. If something is worth you giving in or stepping up or going the extra mile, even if you don’t think you should be the person to do it, just do it. Why hold something off thinking that destiny and fate will take care of it? It’s an excuse we use when we’re too afraid to step out of our comfort zone, and I’m done living in my comfort zone because my life is always a million times better when I step out.

yasmin stefanie calvin klein bralet my calvins white shirt denim rip cutoff shorts

Take it from me, do not use destiny as your excuse to delay or deny something. I am one of the most stubborn people I know. I’m the girl who would take 23 minutes to reply to a message if the boy I was speaking to took 22 minutes. I’m the girl who wouldn’t put herself forward for anything because I was too scared and thought if I was really meant to have some ~important role~ I’d just be given it. I’m the girl who didn’t tell anyone about her blog because she didn’t want anyone she knew reading about her life. I have always been the gal who uses anything, including destiny, as an excuse not to go for something I wanted – whether that was a boy, an opportunity, or to get more people (ie those I knew irl) to read my blog. I’m so over it. It still sometimes goes against every fibre of my being to swallow my pride, control my own destiny (I am really cringing at this saying, soz if you are too) and outright say that I want something but every single time I’ve done it, it’s been so worth it. I am the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole entire life and not much has changed, just my mentality and my belief that destiny is bullshit, an excuse.

How many times have you waited around for something to happen or sort itself out, and then it doesn’t or – even worse – someone else gets in there first and takes an opportunity you wanted? Was it really worth you hanging about and waiting for destiny to work its magic? And, being realistic, what’s the worse feeling – putting yourself out there and it potentially not paying off, or not trying at all and then watching someone else get what you want? I can think of dozens of examples from the last couple years of my life where I was stupid enough to use destiny as an excuse and then lost what I wanted, sometimes even to someone else. Putting yourself out there will always pay off one way or another, even if it’s not in the way you initially intended it to.

yasmin stefanie calvin klein bralet my calvins white shirt denim rip cutoff shorts

yasmin stefanie calvin klein bralet my calvins white shirt denim rip cutoff shorts

I won’t lie, I still sometimes find myself slipping back into using dumb shit as an excuse, sometimes I’ll read my horoscope and think wow they really have that right about my life, ~maybe it is true!!!~ like a hilariously accurate one I had in the recent issue of Harper’s Bazaar that Serena Williams covered (if you follow my private, girl you know). I put things off because I think they’ll eventually work out thanks to destiny, but I will always end up coming back to the conclusion that it’s all a stupid excuse and I need to sort my life out myself. It’s a waste of your time waiting it out for something that might not happen. Save yourself the time and stress, and just go get it.

So can we all collectively agree to stop using destiny as an excuse to wait for something to happen instead of making it happen ourselves? I knew there was a reason Blair Waldorf has always been my role model. Girl talks a lotta sense. And she got Chuck Bass.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to continue my Gossip Girl rewatch and take more life advice from Queen B.


Yasmin

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8 Comments

  1. July 5, 2018 / 9:20 am

    Couldn’t agree more – before I started A-Level psychology i was a big believer in destiny, but my teacher has made me realise that we are in control of the path our lives take, and no one else can do it for us. P.s I also love Gossip Girl!!!

    -Charlotte / myownblogofthoughts.blogspot.com

    • Yasmin Stefanie
      Author
      July 5, 2018 / 11:20 am

      the only time I believe in destiny is in the sense of controlling your own! X

  2. July 6, 2018 / 12:24 pm

    LOVE this post!! Sometimes I tend to blur the lines between ‘everything happens for a reason’ and an excuse, after this post: no more! xx

    emsirose.blogspot.com

    • Yasmin Stefanie
      Author
      July 8, 2018 / 12:20 pm

      thank you!! I can be the same but when I take a step back I always remember what’s worth me using that excuse and what I need to go out and achieve no excuses! X

  3. August 1, 2018 / 11:25 am

    I definitely agree with you! I do believe in destiny but you can’t sit around and wait for it to happen. You have to go out and do it yourself. We’re the ones in control of our lives, no one else is going to get everything done for us. Loved this post!! x

    • Yasmin Stefanie
      Author
      August 3, 2018 / 12:51 pm

      couldn’t have said it better myself gal!! thankyou X

  4. September 17, 2018 / 6:00 pm

    This has been a really interesting read. I don’t believe in destiny either as it sounds more like a fairy tale than real life. Like everything happens for a reason but it’s all little reasons, not one big plan. Know what I mean? Thanks for the engaging post.

    Erin | oherinx.blogspot.co.uk

    • Yasmin Stefanie
      Author
      September 28, 2018 / 1:40 pm

      yes I completely agree! thankyou so much for ur kind words babe X

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