lockdown shaming + why it’s ok to be coping somewhere in between

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(outfit gifted by boohoo for instagram collab but no obligation to post these pics on this blog so it’s not an ad, just wanted to – will still mention that you can use my code QUEEN31 to get money off these and everything on boohoo though)
shop: jumper* // hotpants* // necklace*

You know it’s lockdown when I’m coming back and doing a blog post, like I really have that time on my hands now x

I know everyone’s probably read a million lockdown posts already but 1. what else are you doing rn? may as well read another. 2. I feel like this lockdown has become another thing people can gain some moral high ground about, and something or someone will always shame you about how well you’re completing lockdown or following the guidelines when you aren’t even breaking them. And 3. I’ve seen ones about why it’s ok not to be ok in lockdown (my fave is from Sophie Milner) and ones about why it’s ok to be more than ok in lockdown (my friend Dee did a really good one) but I always feel like I fall somewhere between the two, so I thought I’d write the somewhere in between version for anyone who might be feeling like me so hopefully I’m not alone.

Feeling like you’re somewhere in between is a bit of a shit middle ground because you don’t feel like you have the right to be annoyed at yourself or voice your frustrations for not achieving something in lockdown if you’ve already achieved a few other things, but when you do achieve something you also don’t feel like you can celebrate it or be proud of yourself because there’s still a list of other things you haven’t been able to do.

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You could feel somewhere in between because one day you’ll wake up early and be super productive, do some mad one hour workout, bake banana bread and lemon drizzle cake and brownies, learn a TikTok dance in one hour then post it and go viral in another hour (I feel so old even writing that cba), write the next chapter of your fucking novel, and end the day with an at home spa version of a night time skincare routine that may as well be a professional facial. Then the next day you’ll get out of bed in the afternoon, put on new day time pyjamas and watch Netflix all day before putting your night time pyjamas back on to go to bed. You could feel somewhere in between because your days could be a mix of this – maybe you start early and get through half your productive to-do list then hit a wall in the afternoon where all motivation is gone and oh those pyjamas sound nice x and fuck me Too Hot to Handle is some next level trash, staged, pure shit TV but you can’t not sit in one place and watch it for the rest of the day x

The somewhere in between person I feel like I’ve been in lockdown has definitely depended on whatever it is I’m doing, like exercise has been easy to find motivation for and any form of actual work I’m supposed to be doing with this time whether or not it was even lockdown has not. No motivation. Don’t wanna do it so usually just don’t.

Obviously lockdown is fucking lockdown and this is not your time to be productive and start writing a book or launching a baking business, but if there is anything you know you need to be doing and you can’t – because ykno once again it’s a fucking lockdown and it’s kinda gonna affect your mental health and your motivation – create at least a bit of a routine that involves that thing. After four and a half weeks of taking lockdown as some kinda school Summer holidays thing, I started setting alarms to get up again and writing a small list of things I want to get done during the day just to force myself to do the actual work I was meant to be doing, and it’s worked for me. Write down even the smallest of things you know you’d do regardless because it feels better to check more off and makes you feel like you can complete the rest of the list – I literally write in posting to Insta and facetiming. Get any necessary work done and do not worry about the extra shit it might seem like everyone’s doing. But if you can do that extra shit? Good for you, that’s why we’re caught somewhere in the middle. Celebrate it.

It is absolutely fine to have on days and off days, motivation for some tasks and zero for others, and slide between those scales over the course of one day. If you’re in this in between camp it means you’re still achieving some things so take your wins and focus on those and try not to worry about the stuff you don’t manage to do or worse, compare it to what other people are doing. Focus on yourself, be proud of the things you are managing to do during a literal fucking global pandemic, and don’t allow anything to make you feel like you aren’t doing enough at a time where you don’t even have to do anything extra.

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But whatever camp you fall in during lockdown, you know what makes you feel even worse when you’re somewhere in between, and when you’re not ok in lockdown and potentially even when you are ok? Fucking lockdown shaming.

I’ve been guilty enough times in lockdown of moaning about people I think could be social distancing better. It’s still getting on my nerves that whenever I’ve done a food shop people have raced past me about a 30cm ruler’s length away from me and even hit me with their trollies they’ve been that close, it annoys me when I go for a run in the park and see people sat on the same bench or patch of grass doing nothing every single time I lap past them in the space of half an hour. And then of course it’s just infuriating when people actually break the lockdown rules entirely – hun I can see the background of your Insta stories and that’s not the house nor the people you were living with for the last couple weeks of lockdown? x

The thing is, as long as someone is adhering to the lockdown measures and social distancing as best as they can without actually breaking a rule, me and everyone else who is moaning about those petty things when people are just tryna do their best need to stop. This is a difficult time as is, we don’t need to be shamed about how well we are or aren’t adhering to the guidelines in someone’s eyes. Those people in the shop, maybe they’re a key worker and this is their only time to buy food for the week and they don’t have enough time to wait for every aisle to be super obviously 2m clear. Maybe they’ve driven up to a store closer to a loved one who is considered vulnerable and don’t have long to do a shop for them, drop it on their door and then get back to their own family. The people in the park might have a tiny flat with no balcony or garden and could have a reason they struggle to walk or run around the park for long periods of time. As long as you can see they’re following the rules, or at the very least trying to, let’s not shame.

We have no idea what people’s living situations are to be judging how they’re doing lockdown – some households might be able to go two weeks without a food shop and some might need to go every two days. Some people could be depending on their daily walks to keep them going during lockdown whether it’s for their mental or physical health, or they have no outdoor space at home, or maybe they just feel a bit cooped up in the same place all day even if they do have a garden. We really don’t need to be telling people off for doing something that is still within the rules of lockdown just because it’s not the way we’re doing it or the absolute ideal best-case-scenario way to do it. It’s just an excuse to make people feel more superior to others or better than others, like we deserve a medal for doing what everyone else in the country is doing because we think we’re doing it better. What even is better in lockdown? As long as the rules aren’t being broken, let’s try lighten up. Everywhere that is illegal is closed rn anyway so if someone’s bothering you in a shop or a park, they’re just being where they’re allowed to be. Like, even I need to take that advice. (But if they are being outright broken then I’m still gonna be liking all those ‘how are people meeting friends in the park / round their house’ tweets because, in all seriousness, yes it’s selfish to do when there are people who haven’t even been able to visit or say goodbye to their ill and affected loved ones)

Once again, this is a fucking lockdown. You’re not supposed to do anything. I mean WFH if you still are but if you can manage anything extra, be proud of yourself and if you can’t, don’t feel even a bit bad for it. And don’t make anyone else feel bad for how they’re doing their lockdown pls.

Stay safe and 2m away from me x

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